What I Think: Alcoholism

According to my brother and most recovering alcoholics, most of the world is inflicted with the disease of alcoholism. My brother, who is a recovering alcoholic, once told me that anyone who gets drunk more that three times a year, is an alcoholic. I trust his judgment, because even though I was the one who took care of my brother when he came home drunk almost every night for 7 years, I am not an alcoholic. I've never experienced it, though I have witnessed it quite a bit.

A lot of people would say that my brother's statement is wrong. They would say that he is exaggerating because in order to have fun somewhere like downtown you have to drink. Everyone knows that when you drink your inhibitions dissapear, so doing something like singing karaoke, dancing on bar tops, talking to that amazingly hot stranger and then giving said stranger a lap dance, becomes a lot easier.

But tell me: Does someone really have to get drunk to have fun?

I have plenty of fun downtown without drinking. I sing karaoke, I dance on bar tops, I talk to people who I think are hot and if I'm lucky, I do give them lap dances, and I do all of these things completely sober. I love going downtown and I discovered at a young age that I knew how to have fun and appear drunk without actually ever being drunk. It doesn't mean I don't drink. I will have a shot or a drink once in a while but it's never gotten to the point where I've ever been tipsy. I am living proof that you don't have to drink to have fun, and saying you do is BS.

However, the reason I am writing this WIT post is not to explain why I don't drink, it is to explain why I get so upset when my friends get drunk. Tonight, Hilton and Trinity got drunk while we were out downtown and I got pissed off and a little upset at them. I got over it soon after they left, but they must have sensed I was getting angry, because soon after they left Hilton sent me a text asking me if I was OK. In return I asked him if he was OK and told him that I just got a little pissed off at him and Trinity. Apparently, that was a mistake.

Something that should have not been a big deal snowballed out of control. Hilton got really defensive, and after he told Trinity what I said, Trinity got really aggressive. They both asked me why I got pissed off and I told them the reason I got pissed off is because when someone is drunk, reasoning usually goes out the window and it's virtually impossible to stop them from doing something stupid. Basically, in my eyes, someone becomes really immature. Trinity told me that I was being immature by thinking this. He told me what they were doing was just having fun.

Now, I understand that when someone is drunk their ability to think straight is incredibly diminished. Basically, since you have no inhibitions, you don't really need the ability to understand reasoning, so your brain basically locks it up until you can handle it again. With no reason, there is nothing stopping you from doing what you want to do. It doesn't matter if it's good, bad, safe, dangerous, smart or stupid, if you want to do it, you will. The only thing that could stop you is if someone or something subdues you.

In retrospect, I know how saying that I got angry because I couldn't reason with Hilton and Trinity might sound confusing. But you have to kind of look at things through my eyes. I admit that what I said makes absolutely no sense, but you have to consider that even though I've never been drunk, I've had to deal with someone close to me getting drunk a lot more than someone should. My brother began to get drunk when I was only 11 and he was 17. The first time I saw my brother drunk I took care of him, because at that time I didn't think it was a big deal. I didn't want him to get in trouble and at the time I didn't think it would escalate to him getting drunk everytime the opportunity presented itself. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

My brother continued to get drunk almost every night and I continued to take care of him. Soon, days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and eventually I was 18 years old and I was still taking care of my drunk brother. Needless to say, I made the decision at a very young age to not ever get drunk and everyone could see what my brother had become. My brother was an alcoholic, and it took my brother 7 years to finally realize this and to begin the path to recovery. As you can imagine, all of this took a toll on me.

I never enjoyed taking care of my brother when he got drunk. I don't think anyone ever enjoys it, but if you don't take care of them, who will? People get frustrated with others when they become drunk and I've come very close to abandoning someone though I never did in the very end. Also, if I'm taking care of someone I don't like to hear the excuse, "I was just having fun." You might be having fun, but do you think it's any fun for the person taking care of you? Do you think it's any fun for the person that has to deal with your crap?

My brother was having fun too when he got drunk every night but in the end alcoholism didn't only ruin his life, it ruined my entire family's. Vacations had to be cut short to bail my brother out of jail, my brother's license got suspended 4 times and he almost lost the ability to drive legally permanently, reeling from the emotional pain of seeing a family member destroyed became commonplace, and most of the time you feel the same amount of blame and shame as the addict, because in part, you enabled the addict to keep on feeding his addiction.

My brother is in the path of recovery, but he'll always be an alcoholic. I'll never forget all the times I had to take care of him, and everytime I see someone close to me get drunk, I'll always be reminded of the emotional pain that was being medicated to me almost every day of the week. That's why I get angry, but I do get over it, depending on how out of the control the situation was.

All in all I still enjoy going out with my friends and I hope they still do invite me when they decide to go, even after they read this. I just want them to know that I don't only go to have fun, but I also go to look out for them. If they do get drunk and I do get a little frustrated or angry at them, I also want them to understand why. It might sound like it's something I have to get over, but I don't think I ever will. It something that will always be embedded in my brain.

So my friends can go, they can invite me, they can drink and get drunk. But they should know, that once they get drunk I am the one who's responsible for them. Because even though they are not my brother, they are still someone close to me, and I would never ever want to see them get hurt.

SEXDUCTXY!