“FUCK!” These were the words that resounded in my mind after reading my results last Wednesday. My life had been going so well too. I got hired possibly for two jobs, I had my car back, I was going back to school (which was way overdue) and I had a large network of friends that I really cared for. Then, crap had to happen. Let me explain…
This all started Wednesday afternoon when Pisha and I decided to go to the Q because we were bored. ASA was there giving a specific kind of test and well, I wanted to get tested. We got the Q and Pisha went first. After she was done (BTW, she is fine)I went. The test: Rapid HIV Testing / My results: Positive. That’s right, I have HIV. I FUCKING HAVE HIV!
This is so not good. I’m only 22 years old, I have a hard time finding and keeping jobs, I haven’t graduated from school yet, I have a family that annoys me to no end, I’m gay and have no boyfriend, I have a hard time finding a boyfriend, and now I have a fucking life-threatening disease that makes everything else in my life seem so minimal yet increases all the other problems ten fold.
This is in no way a good thing, but hey there is still hope. Advances in medical history have allowed people with HIV live long and full lives so it doesn’t mean I have to die anytime soon. I have friends that support me wholeheartedly and I’m sure my family will and my test results were not 100%. You see, they said it was maybe a false positive so I should know by Wednesday, May 28th if I have HIV for sure. Still, it scares the fuck out of me.
On other news, my job search was long and hard but I finally landed a job at Baskin Robbins. Yeah, it’s not the most glamorous job in the world, but hey, it’s a job and I think I’ll be staying there as long as they have me, or until I can find a better job. I have a job at Mighty Fine that I might get and a job lined up at a place called La Morada as a waiter which if I get, will open the door to a lot of more jobs.
In school related news, I start school on May 27th and I signed up for two classes during the summer. If you know me, you know that I’m terrible in Math and for this reason I have to take a remedial math course before I take College Algebra. It’s not the best thing to have in my record, but I’m happy to say that after I take this math course I’ll be on my way of wiping College Algebra out of the way! The other class is English Comp I but I’m sure I’ll do fine in that class.
Let’s move onto friend news. So, I know I haven’t updated this blog since a few months ago, but for the past few months I’ve been visiting this place called The Q. The Q is a community center for gay males from the ages 18 – 29 and what we do is volunteer around Austin, focusing strongly on encouraging Safe Sex within the gay community. Other than that, it’s also an awesome networking tool as most of the people there are gay and closer to my age than other spots around Austin.
I started going on October, and let me tell you, I fell in love with The Q so fast and so hard it’s become a large part of my life. Some of the people on the Q can be quite shady, but I think I hold more friends there than people who are unsure about me or don’t like me very much so I enjoy going there.
There are several people there who I care very much about but for now, I will tell you about my favorite member. My favorite member is one of the leaders, which I will affectionately refer to as Lex as he looks like Michael Rosenbaum from Smallville. Lex is a person I think I’m falling for even though he doesn’t feel the same way about me.
It’s strange, but even though he doesn’t feel the same way I don’t see myself “getting over him” anytime soon like I have with other people. I love the way he looks, the way he acts, the way he speaks to me and I hope with all my heart it’s because he’s a friend to me and just not because he’s one of the leaders of The Q. After all, I value his friendship and I hope he values mine.
Lex will never read this blog, for I don’t think he keeps up with it since it is rarely ever posted in (and I’m sorry to those who do take even a time to even look at it but I’m far from being a blogger) but I’m fine with it. Even though I do realize I like him and I probably always will I’m not ready for him to know the extent of my feelings foe him. He will probably never know and even though that is sad, I’d rather have him as a friend always rather then the possibility of losing him because we dated and then had a messy break-up.
There are other members I will tell everyone about but I will tell you all about them later, possibly in a WIT (What I Think) blog for now it is time for me to go. I will post a blog of another hot guy later! Have a great day bloggers!
SEXDUCTXY!
