Day 4 - Your favorite photograph of your best friend

Today's post is short and sweet. It's simply a picture of your best friend. However, as I have several best friends I wasn't sure what picture to post. I came to conclusion to post several pictures for all of you enjoy. So, in no particular order, here are some of my best friends!


Also, any of you are wondering why I'm not revealing who's who in the picture, it's because I like keep things blog anonymous. Besides, if you're friends with me, you know who you are!

SEXDUCTXY!

What I Think: The Cruel Side of Responsiblity.

I've never been drunk. In my 24 years of living in the Earth (nearly 25) I have never once been drunk or even tipsy. I'm sure I've been buzzed - but as far as getting smashed, wasted, or anything remotely like that, I've never been there. Another thing that I have avoided is getting high. I have a lot of friends that do get high, and getting my hands on some weed would be relatively easy for me, but I've never had the desire to get high.

Some people would regard a person like me as being boring. They think that since I don't get drunk or high I can't loosen up like everyone else does, though I know that's a bunch of BS. If you've kept up with my blog you'd know that I'm always the first one to do "drunk things sober", and I continue to fool masses into believing I'm on something when I have nothing fueling my shenanigans.

I, on the other hand, regard my always being the sober and coherent as an admirable trait. However, recently I've found it to be a double edged sword. If you're one who people are always sure is sober and coherent, they think they can get as wild as they can. Since you're OK nothing can go wrong. Basically, you instantly take on a lot more responsibility, and if something does go wrong, you're the one at fault. Since you could have prevented someone from doing something stupid or illegal, it's your fault if you just let it happen.

And I might sound horrible for saying this, but I'm sick and tired of being the responsible one. This doesn't mean that I'll start drinking or getting high, but lately, I feel like I've been getting used, especially when I go downtown with my friends. I'm always the designated driver. But I have to wonder, if I didn't agree to drive anymore, would I go downtown at all? I have a good time when I go downtown but the end of the my night is always filled with drama and irritation. I don't like dealing with drunk people for a number of reasons, but I'm also the one who always tolerates it because if I argue about it my friends will just get angry with me. I love my friends and always forgive them but seriously, when is enough, enough?

One of my friends threatened to hurt me tonight. I was for a stupid reason and he was just drunk. I should feel angry, but I feel compelled to just forgive him. I mean, he was just drunk and he'll be OK in the morning. However, I can't help questioning what would have happened if I didn't agree to drive tonight? Earlier, when I came to join my friends Hilton and his boyfriend, Fourth, were both drinking Four Loko. If you don't know what they are, Four Loko are energy drinks that contain alcohol. They were deemed unsafe for some time and it was illegal to sale it, though apparently the ban has been lifted.

Hilton and Fourth both drank an entire can each, and shared the second one. Later that night they were obviously smashed and in no position to do anything. However, the strange thing is, Hilton and Fourth knew that Four Loko would get them that drunk. I wonder what would have happened if I suddenly got sick and told them I wasn't going to go downtown. I'm sure they would persuade me to still go, but would they get angry if I still refused? I feel the only reason Hilton and Fourth decided to get wasted before we went downtown was because they had a confirmed ride home.

Saying that I'm being used sounds a little harsh, because the truth of the matter is friends use each other all the time. How you use a friend might not be as clear as how you use other people but friends are always using each other. I use the friends I go downtown with for their cars. Since I don't have one at the time their car is the only way I can go downtown and still be sure I'll get back to where I'm staying at a reasonable time. They way they use me in return is by making me always be the designated driver.

Perhaps it's a fair trade. I'll admit, when I go downtown I usually don't find myself around the company of the friends I went downtown with. I prefer to go to Oilcan Harry's (OCH) while my friends go to RAIN or Kiss & Fly (K&F), simply because I feel more comfortable at OCH. My friends don't go to OCH much, I suspect for the same reason I don't go to RAIN or K&F as much. But still, I have to wonder, if I did hang out with them all night, would they respect my wishes if I told them I didn't want to drive?

Is anyone out there in the same boat as me? Do any of you not like to drink and always seem to find yourself as the designated driver, whether you wanted to be it or not? I don't believe I'm the only one. I just want to know, if you made it clear you didn't want to drive that night would you find yourself going downtown at all?

SEXDUCTXY!

Personal Bubbles, Orlando, and Teddy Bears

Personal bubbles – the invisible force that covers everybody that when people penetrate make someone feel instantly uncomfortable. I’ve always wondered why I, DC McLean, was never born with one of these personal bubbles that everyone else seems to possess. I’ve never been one that has ever felt uncomfortable when anyone got to close to me. In fact, I’m more affectionate with people, even complete strangers, and often say my “hellos” and “goodbyes” with a hug though it does bother people sometimes.

Why wasn’t I born with a personal bubble? Was it because of my upbringing? For most of my childhood life I lived in Latin America and in Latin America personal bubbles don’t exist. In fact, it’s considered rude to step away if someone steps close to you, even if they do invade your personal space. Also, living with a mostly Latin American family as the baby of the family I was never ignored and was always given a lot of attention. I wasn’t aware of personal bubbles until I first moved in America and someone told me to not get too close to them when I did invade their space.

However, after years of hearing of personal bubbles I’ve come to one final conclusion: PERSONAL BUBBLES DO NOT EXIST! I don’t care what you say but the simple truth is that personal bubbles are devices we make up to tell people we’re just not into them that way.

Let’s use an example. Let’s say that you really like this person so you unintentionally invade their personal bubble because you just like them that much. This person tells you to not invade their personal space by playing the personal bubble card. You respect this person’s personal space and let him/her have it. Fast forward a few weeks - or even days - later and you see someone new being very affectionate with the same person who you’ve been giving space; the same kind of affection you showed to them "so long ago". However, said person shows no signs of protest. They do not tell this new guy/girl to respect their space, they do not tell them to step away, nor do they play the personal bubble card. Miraculously, this person who told you to respect their personal space no longer has a personal bubble.

Why? Simple: They weren’t into you, so they told you to respect their personal space, but they do like this new person, so they don’t mind if the person does touch them and become affectionate with them. You could say, “Well, they probably know this person in a way you don’t know them. They might be new, but they might be dating.” They could, but still, if you really liked this person and they knew it, they would know you would feel cheated, you would feel hurt, you would feel so uncomfortable that you would rather do something else so you could ignore them in any way possible. By now, you should know this is how I feel right now but really, the personal bubble theory has always been lingering in my mind.

So now I suggest something to anyone that happens to read this blog. If you ever encounter someone that invades your “personal space” do not play the personal bubble card. You know, that if you’re single or once were, and this was someone that you did like, you wouldn’t say anything to stop them from being affectionate from you. In fact, you would be just as affectionate back and not give a fuck who was around you. You know this is true, so don’t try to deny it.

Anyways, on other news, it turns out I will not be in Fort Lauderdale while in Florida. I’ll be there for my training (or at least a place close to it) but I will not be there for my entire stay there. I’ll be in Orlando which sounds just as fun, but unfortunately, not the “gay-mecha” like I was hoping. I will post pictures of men I’ve met there so stay tuned to this blog as I will try to post on it more often to document my trip.

As promised I’ve decided to write a bit about another member of The Q I’ve become friends with: a friend who shall affectionally be referred to as Teddy Bear. Teddy Bear is the personal web guru in The Q. He completely revamped our website, added a chat room, a membership feature, and spent many hours working on the website, making it the best website it could be. Teddy Bear comes to The Q a lot too, cheering people up with his jolly disposition and his sense of humor. He’s a very likable person and to me a valued friend.

Teddy Bear is also very generous and when I didn’t have Coco the Corolla for a few months he gave me a ride home whenever he could. Our rides home are always interesting because when I ride a car with someone I like to talk with them. I might be annoying sometimes but I don’t know, it feels awkward to me if you’re quiet while someone is taking you home, because you won’t talk to them in you’re parting ways when the car stops moving.

Anyway, when I talk to Teddy Bear I usually talk about something I witnessed or something I’m thinking and Teddy Bear always gives me his input. A lot of times it seems like we’re having a debate but I value his point of view and take what he says to me to heart as Teddy Bear is a wiser individual than I am. I know that we’ll be friends for a long time and I look forward to talking to him when I get to the Q.

Anyways, that;s all I have to say for now. I’ll blog again when I’m in Florida!

SEXDUCTXY!

STDs and Lex Luthor

“FUCK!” These were the words that resounded in my mind after reading my results last Wednesday. My life had been going so well too. I got hired possibly for two jobs, I had my car back, I was going back to school (which was way overdue) and I had a large network of friends that I really cared for. Then, crap had to happen. Let me explain…

This all started Wednesday afternoon when Pisha and I decided to go to the Q because we were bored. ASA was there giving a specific kind of test and well, I wanted to get tested. We got the Q and Pisha went first. After she was done (BTW, she is fine)I went. The test: Rapid HIV Testing / My results: Positive. That’s right, I have HIV. I FUCKING HAVE HIV!

This is so not good. I’m only 22 years old, I have a hard time finding and keeping jobs, I haven’t graduated from school yet, I have a family that annoys me to no end, I’m gay and have no boyfriend, I have a hard time finding a boyfriend, and now I have a fucking life-threatening disease that makes everything else in my life seem so minimal yet increases all the other problems ten fold.

This is in no way a good thing, but hey there is still hope. Advances in medical history have allowed people with HIV live long and full lives so it doesn’t mean I have to die anytime soon. I have friends that support me wholeheartedly and I’m sure my family will and my test results were not 100%. You see, they said it was maybe a false positive so I should know by Wednesday, May 28th if I have HIV for sure. Still, it scares the fuck out of me.

On other news, my job search was long and hard but I finally landed a job at Baskin Robbins. Yeah, it’s not the most glamorous job in the world, but hey, it’s a job and I think I’ll be staying there as long as they have me, or until I can find a better job. I have a job at Mighty Fine that I might get and a job lined up at a place called La Morada as a waiter which if I get, will open the door to a lot of more jobs.

In school related news, I start school on May 27th and I signed up for two classes during the summer. If you know me, you know that I’m terrible in Math and for this reason I have to take a remedial math course before I take College Algebra. It’s not the best thing to have in my record, but I’m happy to say that after I take this math course I’ll be on my way of wiping College Algebra out of the way! The other class is English Comp I but I’m sure I’ll do fine in that class.

Let’s move onto friend news. So, I know I haven’t updated this blog since a few months ago, but for the past few months I’ve been visiting this place called The Q. The Q is a community center for gay males from the ages 18 – 29 and what we do is volunteer around Austin, focusing strongly on encouraging Safe Sex within the gay community. Other than that, it’s also an awesome networking tool as most of the people there are gay and closer to my age than other spots around Austin.

I started going on October, and let me tell you, I fell in love with The Q so fast and so hard it’s become a large part of my life. Some of the people on the Q can be quite shady, but I think I hold more friends there than people who are unsure about me or don’t like me very much so I enjoy going there.

There are several people there who I care very much about but for now, I will tell you about my favorite member. My favorite member is one of the leaders, which I will affectionately refer to as Lex as he looks like Michael Rosenbaum from Smallville. Lex is a person I think I’m falling for even though he doesn’t feel the same way about me.

It’s strange, but even though he doesn’t feel the same way I don’t see myself “getting over him” anytime soon like I have with other people. I love the way he looks, the way he acts, the way he speaks to me and I hope with all my heart it’s because he’s a friend to me and just not because he’s one of the leaders of The Q. After all, I value his friendship and I hope he values mine.

Lex will never read this blog, for I don’t think he keeps up with it since it is rarely ever posted in (and I’m sorry to those who do take even a time to even look at it but I’m far from being a blogger) but I’m fine with it. Even though I do realize I like him and I probably always will I’m not ready for him to know the extent of my feelings foe him. He will probably never know and even though that is sad, I’d rather have him as a friend always rather then the possibility of losing him because we dated and then had a messy break-up.

There are other members I will tell everyone about but I will tell you all about them later, possibly in a WIT (What I Think) blog for now it is time for me to go. I will post a blog of another hot guy later! Have a great day bloggers!

SEXDUCTXY!

La Dolce Vita, Coco the Corolla, "Where are the cows?", and FEVER

It’s been a while since I posted my last post but I have been busy with work and with my social life in general lately. See, I work at a place called La Dolce Vita and well, I hate and love the job. The good thing about the job is that the pay’s good (at least for the amount of work experience I have) and the people who I work with are a pure joy to work with. The bad things about the job are the hours and my boss, who also happens to be my brother.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother, but sometimes he can be a little irritating. He tends to have things done the way he does and he can be a prick sometimes. All in all, though, he’s a great guy and a fair boss but since my older sibling is my boss there are certain things that I can’t do in this job that I can do in other jobs. For example, if you’ve have a job for a while and your boss isn’t someone you’re related to, you can call in and tell your boss that you fell ill and do something else with your friends. I can’t do this at this job, because if I do I’ll be fired instantly.

In a job where your boss isn’t your sibling, even though you’re not supposed to, you can slack off some days and get away with it. Not in my job. If I slack off and I don’t finish all I had to do in a reasonable time I have to come in earlier the next day or in one of my days off in the week to finish the work I didn’t do.

Finally, in a job where your boss isn’t your sibling, you get off of work when your shift is over. Not in my job. In my job, I usually don’t get off until after at least an hour and a half after my shift is over. In fact, there is only one day in the month that I’ve been working there that I got off in time and one day I stayed an extra 4 hours and a half. That’s not good in my book… Hell, that’s not good in anyone’s book. And all of this, is because my sibling is my boss.

On Thursday I sort of complained about it to my brother. My brother thought that he was doing me a favor by letting me stay after my shift was over. How in the hell is that a favor? Do I get more money, yes, but how in the hell is that a favor? This is my job and I don’t really want to be a cook, and let’s face it, when you have a job all you want to do is get in and get out as fast as possible. All I’ve been doing is getting in as fast as possible but getting out later than I’m supposed to.

All my brother did to fix the problem was give me more hours. He made my shift end at a later time than it already does and he told me that most of the time I’d get out before my shift ended. He asked me if that would be a problem and I said it wouldn’t. I had a problem with staying after my shift ended, but leaving before it ended is not an issue for me. Most people like to leave before their shift ends because that means they have more time to do shit or can do extra shit before the day is over.

Anyways, another thing that’s happened lately is that I finally got a new car. Let me explain.

I have bad luck with cars. I don’t know why I have bad lucks with cars but I just do and when it comes to car accidents and things that have happened in my car that are bad they usually are a lot worse than other people car problems. Let me break down the bad things that have happened to me when cars are involved.

1) One day when I was walking across the street during my lunch hour in High School, a car hit me. I survived, obviously, but several things happened after the incident, including people calling my house while I wasn’t in school to ask when my funeral was, getting sued by the person who hit me for a broken windshield, and permanent scars on my arm and my head from the impact of the car crash.

The fucked up thing about the car accident is that I was never going to press charges on the person who hit me, but when I did after she pressed charges on me, the police seemed to be a lot more forgiving to her than they were to me, because I was technically breaking the law by not crossing the street on a crosswalk. The reason she hit me is because she was looking for a cigarette in the bottom of her car and didn’t see me when she wasn’t even legally old enough to smoke.

Crossing the street on an unmarked crosswalk where everybody already crosses the street or looking for something you’re not supposed to have legally and hitting someone marring and traumatizing him or her for life. I think the latter the worst, but the police don’t seem to think so. That’s why I now hate the popo and they can kiss my fat ass for all I care.

2) When I had my driving permit I was driving down a hill known in Austin as Spicewood Springs. The hill is very steep and when people from Dallas are over here and we drive down the hill they think that they are in a fucking rollercoaster ride. At the middle of Spicewood Springs, which is the bottom of a hill before it climbs up another hill, is a four way intersection that has cars driving at either side about 60 – 70 miles per hour. There is also a red light that there is usually a line for and the green light is on for about only 10 seconds before it turns back to yellow then red for about 5 minutes.

Anyways, I was driving down Spicewood Springs and I pressed on my brakes to go slower. My brakes gave out. I plummeted down the hill even faster and I was screaming so much – fearing my life – for the second time in less than one year that I completely disregarded my emergency brake. Finally, 3 quarters down the hill my brakes started to work and I saved myself. I didn’t have a car for about a year after that while my parents tried to find someone who could fix a car for free. They didn’t in the end.

3) When I was supposed to get my driver’s license, Pisha and I went to the DPS office to tell them that I was there to take my test. We parked the car and we got out. We were about to go in when we heard the sound of air escaping. We looked over at my car and I apparently got a flat tire while my car was parked… That’s just fucked up right there.

4) Shortly after I got my driver’s license, I was driving Pisha’s aunt, Dahling, back home. It was late and it was foggy. I turned into a one-way street driving down the wrong way. It wasn’t a big deal at first because the street was abandoned and I could easily do a U turn and get back on the right track. However, as I was doing a U-turn I saw a bus coming and my trauma from the car crash kicked in and I crashed into a ditch and a tree.

The police came, gave me a drinking test that I placed with flying colors and took me to a place where I could be picked up. Ever since then, Pisha and Dahling never let me forget it and freely tell everyone how bad of a driver I am. No one ever trusts me with their cars because I’ll apparently drive them off a cliff. It’s OK though, I really am a bad driver, which brings me to problem number

5) Every time I drive I happen to mess up one way or another. I’ll run a red light, I’ll run a stop sign, I’ll forget a light has turned green, I’ll drive on the wrong side of the road, almost crash into cars, peoples, animals, and plants, and other several big mistakes. One of the these days the police will see me and stop me from driving, give me a drinking test which I’ll pass and Pisha and other people will tell everyone how bad of a driver I am and my confidence with cars will diminish even more.

6) And finally, the most embarrassing thing that’s happened with cars and me is that I crashed into my garage door. I was sober and I wasn’t tired but I still managed to crash into it. It was three days before my 21^st birthday and I had just dropped of Pisha at work. I drove back home and attempted to park in my driveway which drives downhill. I pulled in very carefully, aligned my wheels and then I stepped on the brakes… Or so I thought. I actually stepped on the gas and I drove right into my garage door, breaking it and drove halfway into my garage.

I was pretty embarrassed about the whole thing but a few days later my Mom told me, “We’re fixing the garage door. Happy Birthday!” My parents used my 21^st birthday money to fix the garage. That’s pretty fucked up too.

That’s pretty much it. All of these things, my bad luck with cars, my bad driving skills, and other things that I prefer not to mention have led to things that I’m not really proud of. However, the reason I don’t have my car isn’t really my fault. You see Pisha loves the East Side and loves to visit it frequently. She knows the place like the palm of her hand and she can easily take you anywhere there. One day, after we picked a friend down there, we were driving back to my house so we could meet up with another friend and go have some dinner.

While we driving back home Pisha drove over something and we heard a terrible noise. We weren’t sure what had happened but after we got on the Highway my oil light turned on. We couldn’t park in the highway so we just decided to drive home. While we were driving we stopped at a stoplight and we noticed that my car was literally smoking. We got scared so we rolled down the windows to jump out in case my car caught on fire. We could smell burning rubber in the air.

We got home OK but my dad didn’t let me drive my car anywhere else that night. When he tried to fill my car with oil the oil leaked out and we found out that whatever we drove over had punctured a hole into my oil tank. When we took it to the shop and they didn’t return my car for over a week we called them and we learned that when we drove the car with no oil, we fucked up my engine so I didn’t have a car anymore.

That happened a few months ago but in Tuesday I got my new car. Sad thing is, even though it’s mine, the person who had driven the most has not been me, but Pisha and since she drives mostly when we’re together and we hang out all the time, basically it means I’ll hardly ever get to drive my car and it sometimes annoys the hell out of me.

However, I do have fun with Pisha and we’ve done a lot since I got my car. Actually, the first day I got my car we took a little road trip to San Antonio to see Pisha’s cousin, Satina, and to see a movie and basically hang out. Satina is 11 years old and she already drinks and smokes. She’s already gotten used to the taste of alcohol and she smokes cigarettes and I heard she wants to try weed. I can understand why though… She also lives in the country and the city is like half an hour away from her house. Basically, she’s an alcoholic/ drug addict waiting to happen.

However, Satina is fun to hang out with and we had fun with her, until we went to see a man that shall be called Seven. Seven is a Mexican who’s very unattractive. He used to be Satina’s neighbor until she or he moved but they still know each other. One weekend, when Pisha was in San Antonio Seven began to text Pisha on my phone. I didn’t really mind since I don’t pay my phone bill anyways.

Anyway, Pisha became very annoyed with Seven because he kept calling her sweetheart and baby and shit like that when she’d rather to be called a bitch and a whore. He kept texting her and to be funny I started to text him and tried to turn him bisexual. I think it worked because he wanted to meet me shortly after I began texting him. Anyways, on the morning of the day that we went to San Antonio Pisha texted Seven and asked him for one of her cousin’s phone numbers.

Seven though it was me and replied with a “You fucking cunt, you just woke up Seven.” Pisha was caught off guard and asked him who Seven was and he replied with “My other half.” This basically freaked Pisha and I out but we decided to meet him while we were in San Antonio. After we met him he texted me with a text that read, “You just met Seven out of Nine tonight. Trust everyone, just don’t trust the devil inside of them.” This totally freaked us out because in our mind Seven has nine split personalities and people with split personalities are usually bad news.

After that we’ve decided to avoid him.

Pisha hasn’t been the only one who’s driven my car. My other friend, Sony has driven my car too. Sony is a great guy. He’s only 16 but ever since I’ve met him I’ve had a huge crush on him. I know it’s sick because I’m 21, but in my defense he does look like an 18 year old. But yes, it is bad that I’ve never gotten over him because every time I’m reminded that he was born in the 90’s and I was born in the 80’s (even though it was the late 80’s) I feel like a pedophile.

Anyway, Sony is very attractive for his age and he goes through boyfriends like a girl on her period goes through tampons. He changes them ever so often. I think he’s had at least 10 – 12 different boyfriends since I met him and I haven’t even known him for a year. The only gay guy he doesn’t seem to want to date is I and it’s hurts because I am tremendously infatuated with him. He does sometimes hurt my feelings. He’s also gay but he loves my friend Pisha and sometimes disses me to talk to her when I’m right next to her and it hurts.

Last night (Saturday and Sunday), he hurt me in one of the most brutal ways possible. Sony’s parents don’t let him drive his car because he drives like a bat out of hell. He drives way too fast and breaks a lot of traffic laws. Anyways, since I had my car Sony decided to drive with Pisha and me and we had a marvelous time. We had to drop off Pisha later but Sony still wanted to hang out. We were supposed to go to San Marcos to see a friend of him and well, I thought he just wanted to hang out. I was wrong…

When we got to San Marcos and we met the guy (who I didn’t think was very attractive), I learned that they had only met briefly online and they were getting to know each other. I didn’t really care but it still sounded like hanging out to me. We were just making a new friend. We hung out with this guy and his other friends for a while and then we all decided to go see Hairspray! (which was fantastic if I may add).

I let Sony and his new friend drive in the front seats in car because, I don’t know, I’m a generous guy. When we parked in the movie theatre though, Sony and his new friend leaned over to each other and kissed. A red flag went up in my mind. THE WHOLE TIME, IT WAS A DATE! I was the third wheel and Sony had used me so he could have access to car on his date. I felt betrayed, hurt, angry, but most of all humiliated. I couldn’t believe that Sony, who knew how I felt about him, had done this to me.

I acted like it didn’t bother me and I was happy with it, but it did bother me and every time I saw them kiss, cuddle, and just be lovey dovey, I felt like they were dangling it in front of my face to make me jealous. I’ve wanted a boyfriend for a long time and this guy was making out with a guy whom I’ve been attracted to for months. It was brutal. When we drove home I was considering telling Sony what he had done since he seemed completely oblivious to it. However, when we parked he did something that made me forgive him: He said Thank You.

He was grateful that I had let him use my car and he had a great time. He said, “Thank you for tonight DC,” and then he gave me a hug. I don’t know why, but when he thanked me and hugged me I forgave him for the mistreatment he had given me that night. I know I’m completely infatuated with the boy, because when we touched, I could feel desire pulse throughout my blood and I could feel myself be flushed with fever. Sony had given me Fever like no guy ever has but it also hurts, because I know that he’ll probably never feel that for me.

However, I have no choice but to continue to hang out with him. I could break up with him and not ever speak to him again but Sony gives me fever and for me, it’s hard to give up on any guy who gives me fever, even if we don’t end up dating in the end. Sony was and has been my friend first and even though I may never have a chance with him I’ll always call him my friend…

Blogs, Drag, and FUEL, Oh My!

I haven't posted since Sunday night and I don't know why... I've been thinking of posting, really, I have, but I didn't want to present anyone with a post of another hot guy. There are plenty of other blogs that do that and I wanted my blog to kind of be like R*yan's blog. And what I just typed jogged an idea out of my mind. I'll tell you of other note-worthy blogs and sites that are worth mentioning.

When I log on the computer I always have the same routine. After I check my e-mail, I go to 4 sites which bring to attention a problem I have. Like I've said before, I'm completely boy crazy but since I don't see it as such a big deal I pride myself in feeding my addiction in the futile hope that I'll someday find somebody like the men that I look at with envy, simply because they are so hot that they could have whoever they want, but ended up being straight rather than gay.

The order of my sites is this (And the links are):
Most Beautiful Man.com: The world #1 Male Celebrity site
Tottyland: A detailed investigation into the cute, shirtless, and even naked celebrity
R*YAN: Blogging with a queer bent
and Cisoto Fotos: Shirtless male celebrities from all over the world

I love the sites, even though most seem to feed my addiction to the viewing of men that I may never end up meeting and even if I did never have a chance to gaining for myself. I don't know why I insist on looking at these men and then saving thier pictures if I like the way they look. I mean, if I ever did gain a boyfriend would he be bothered by this? Would he break up with me because I was attracted to men that have some sort of fame either in TV, movies, modeling, and/or music and pathetically, I save their pictures? I don't know...

Anyways, I want more topics to discuss because I said I would tell you more about myself. I'll tell you all about FUEL. I'm gay and I'm a Christian. I've established this fact wholeheartedly, but well, I never did go much to church because the bible kept saying that homosexuality was wrong. It was terrible and even though I loved most of the people in my home church, I still didn't really feel welcome there.

You can't really blame me for not being welcome at my church. After my brother lanced me (and again, it was with my permission) members of my home church gave my dad a book about people who were once gay and then became straight through the power of prayer. When I saw the book I was like: "What kind of bullshit is this?" These people who claim to be straight but were once gay probably were never gay to begin with. You don't have a choice to who you're attracted to, but I think if you actually prayed to God to change you, well, then you don't really have high self-esteem.

Anyways, I was more hurt by the fact that someone in my church was trying to make my father feel better by giving him that book. To me it was like saying, "he still has time to change back" and it was like saying, "I'll pray that God shows him the way". I'm a Christian for God's sake! Just because I like the way a man looks and I happen to pick dick even though I've never tricked with a chick shouldn't make a difference if I'm going to heaven or not. I've been saved and I'm perfectly happy being the fabulous, gay man that I am.

I got tired of the treatment so I basically stopped going to church. I couldn't find solace in religion anymore and my faith was seriously faltering. Then one day I came across MySpace event invite. I had added a man whole shall be called the Progressive, Gay, Christian Man (PGCM) to my MySpace page. I didn't really know anything about him except that he was gay and he was a Christian like me. I don't know why I didn't look at his page for a solution to my dilemma at the time... I guess I just didn't think I would find it on MySpace.

Anyways, PGCM had sent me an invite to go to a Dinner in Drag. It was Halloween and his birthday and he wanted to make Halloween fun so he sent out a massive invite. I really had never been out in drag before but decided to go. I called along some friends and after telling me they wanted to go as well, I sent an RSVP and said I was taking 5 guests. First, I invited Pisha (who shall be mentioned a lot in this blog), my best friend. Pisha has been with me through a lot and even though it would later freak her out, she agreed to go.

I also invited Kinky (who shall also be named in this blog quite a bit), because she was cool and sort of my ride. I wanted to invite her because ever since I first met her I have loved her. She just holds an aura that attracts me and she's so fun to hang around with that I know I'll have a good time if I hang out with her.

I invited also Scant Queen (who shall be mentioned a lot in this blog). At the time, Scant Queen was a good friend and I knew she would go all out for it. She was fun at the time, but soon after, she would do something that would permanently put an end to our friendship.

Finally, I also invited Dumb dumb (who, yes, will be mentioned in this blog alot) because Dumb dumb is just fun to hang around with. It sounds horrible, but usually my friends and I use each other for things. We all know we do it but even though we are using each other we still remain good friends because when we use each other, it benefits the user and the one who's being used. Dumb dumb is used for entertainment so it's always a good time with her around.

Pisha and Dumb dumb decided to go as guys, so taking some of Dumb dumb's boyfriend's clothes, they dressed like guys. They also looked a little bit lesbian, but I didn't bother to tell them that fact. Kinky decided to dress like a guy too but she did it with fabulous flair. She looked a little bit like Ashton Kutcher when she was done and Kinky went as my date while Pisha and Dumb dumb went as each other's dates as well.

I went, in publicm dressed in drag. My hair was dyed and I had flower hair clips on and I had put on make up and I had a really cute pink top on with a frilly, white skirt. I put on shoes because I couldn't walk in high heels and they gave me fake boobs, but all in all, I didn't make a very attractive drag queen. I am quite hairy for a man of my age and I don't bother to shave my chest hair because I don't live near a beach, so I don't see the point of walking around topless.

We went over to Trudy's North Star and I was of course, gawked at, laughed at, and feared. My friends didn't seem to have the same problem, but I don't know, walking around in drag proved to be quite empowering for me. The hostess at Trudy's told us that the party turned out bigger than expected and they had sent the large party away. I called PGCM, who had given me his number and he told me they were at Chili's.

Since Chili's wasn't too far away we all walked there, most of the stares directed at me, but I didn't seem to care that much. When we finally got to Chili's and entered I knew I was going to have fun. The party was massive and consisted of easily 30 people. All of the people were gay and I felt right at home though Pisha and Dumb dumb didn't. Kinky had a blast as I did, which was awesome because like Pisha and Dumb dumb, Kinky was straight and had a boyfriend. It just showed me how cool Kinky was.

While at Chili's I also made friends with a bunch of other people. PGCM was the leader of a group called FUEL and most of the people there were from that group. I didn't know it then, but soon FUEL would become a large part of my life. After meeting everybody from FUEL I promised to go to a meeting and then I departed because since my friends didn't have any money (Pisha, Kinky, and I shared an appetizer) we decided to just call it a night.

That Sunday, I went to FUEL and the whole time there we spent it talking about God and about being gay people in a Christian society. It was exactly what I was looking for and I've been a loyal member to FUEL ever since then. Through FUEL, I also become part of another church which I can truly describe as my home church. The Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) was a church that had mainly gay members but was nonjudgmental to all that entered it's doors. To me, that's part of what being a Christian is all about and I've truly been happy ever since I found that church and the fabulous group of people that is FUEL.

Well, now, I must leave, but please to do visit my blog again. I promise that I'll try to post a lot more in the future! Sexductxy!

Confessions

Confessions… The title of my first blog says it all. I am here to confess to things that I’ve done and to tell all who read this the reasoning behind this brain of mine. I’m Latino, I’m a homosexual, I’m a Christian, and I absolutely hate stereotypes.

It’s not because I don’t fit the stereotype… I actually fit the gay stereotype quite well. I’m flamboyant, I have a great sense of fashion, I love show tunes and musicals, I’m boy crazy and possibly quite perverted, and everything I do is so gay there is no question in anyone’s mind what my sexual orientation is once they meet me. I, in fact, have no idea why my family didn’t know until I was 20 when I was lanced by my brother (with my permission of course).

The reason I hate stereotypes is for the only gay thing I’m not. I have a strong spiritual connection with Jesus Christ. I have ever since I was young and I probably always will. My story of revelation is nothing drawn out and amazing. I had just heard about Jesus all my life, I finally understood why people say he ‘died for our sins’ and I just decided, “Why the hell not?” and that night while I was laying in bed I asked him to become part of my life.

Even though that nothing amazing I do tell people that it was an amazing story full of visions, hearing voices, and other lies that I really don’t feel that much shame about. I know it’s horrible but I am a compulsive liar so I really don’t fell any shame when I bend the truth and I don’t feel any shame when I tell someone a complete lie to save my own ass or to get them off mine. I’ve lied to my friends, my family, and complete strangers and I don’t really feel any shame.

I know it makes me seem like a horrible person but I assure you I’m not. People describe me to be a very generous person but again I could be lying to you right now, but why would my fist blog’s title be confessions? I wanted to make a blog where people could actually read my thoughts and my reasoning and understand what I’m going through. My accent is very distinct but because of my Latino history I tend to talk quickly and most people can’t understand me when I’m speaking to them but my words through paper do flow quite nicely.

Anyways, when I thought about making a blog the first thing I promised myself was to actually tell the truth rather than bend it or lie to you. It’s be a waste of my time to write about lies and try to make you feel I’m some amazing human being when I can’t really change your way of thinking. I’ve never really been any good at changing people’s minds and it won’t be any easier for me to try to do that when you can simply go to another web page or log off the internet and forget what you’ve just read.

So, yeah, my blog is all about confessions. I’ll tell you about my friends (who’s names I’ll change to protect their identities), about my life (which I assure you is quite amazing and interesting weather you believe me or not), and what’s going through my mind (which you will find has lots to do with sex and men).

In addition, I will be posting pictures of men: Lots of hot, sexy, I’ve-died-and-gone-to-heaven men. I’m completely boy crazy in every respect and I am attracted to so many men that I have a list (and I’m not lying here) of men I want to fuck down on paper. The list is 8 pages long, front and back, two columns of each side, with about 25 names on each column. That’s 800 names and guess what, the list is still growing. I’m on page 9 on the third column somewhere. If I ever finish it (which I doubt I will) I’ll post it.

Finally, In addition to my confessions and men I would jump in the sack with I’ll also be posting chapters. Like lots of famous people (Tim Allen, Chelsea Handler, Margaret Cho, etcetera) I want to put writing under my list of careers; so like those famous people I’ll be posting chapters about my semi-charmed kind of life (I know, that’s a song but my life really is semi-charmed). Anyways, on with my blog: Sexductxy!