I tend to be a pretty nervous person. Because I have self paranoia and probably care what people think about me a little more than I should I get really nervous when things aren't going the way I hoped they would. Last night I almost had a nervous breakdown because things weren't panning out they way the were. I'm OK, but I felt horrible for most of the day and I couldn't get myself to sleep.
Why do I care so much? Everyone cares what others think of them but I believe that sometimes I care way too much about what others think about me. I know I can't be the only one that feels this way because all humans have that innate desire to be liked, to be extraordinary, to be popular. It might sound completely cruel, but I've found the more popular you are the easier it is to have things go your way. It's like popularity is currency and we're always looking to have more.
In high school I was one the popular kids. In middle school I wasn't popular at all and the summer before high school I basically stopped caring. I decided that it was a waste of time to care so much what people thought of me. If I wanted to dance and sing I would do so. If I wanted to be inappropriate I would do so. Basically, I decided I would do whatever the fuck I wanted, and if someone had a problem with them they could fuck off. Strangely enough, this lack of caring and confidence of doing whatever I wanted made me popular.
My popularity was sort of an unexpected occurrence. I started noticing that people would say "Hello" to me in the halls when I didn't know who that person was. People started to pay attention to what I would do and when people mentioned DC everyone knew it was me that they were talking about. Basically I became a "trend" and began to get "followed" without really meaning to. Like the paparazzi studies celebrities I was studied by my fellow peers and I have to admit, it felt good.
However, becoming popular doesn't comes with it repercussions because I started caring again. If someone said anything negative about me I wanted to know what they said, why the said it, who had they told and what I could do to change their minds. However, as I realize what I've just said, I have to admit that it sounds very pathetic. One shouldn't have to care so much. One shouldn't have to live by what other say about them because at the end of the day the opinions that matter the most are the opinions that person makes about themselves.
And so in the spirit of this new found realization I make these declarations onto you now.
If you have a problem with me have the cahones to tell it to my face. Basically, if you have a problem with me don't be a little bitch about it and whine about it to other people. How does that change things? How does that fix the issue you have with me? It doesn't and really all you're doing is being petty. Also, in most circumstances the people who say these things haven't sat down and gotten to really know me which brings me to declaration #2.
First impressions are bullshit. First impressions are important but often times first impressions offer little truths. If you meet me and I say something that makes you uncomfortable don't think for a second that you know me because you really don't. Saying you know someone after meeting them once is like saying you don't lie on job applications: not true. If I've made a negative first impression on you think of all the people you've made negative first impressions on. Chances are these first impressions don't reflect the person you are at all so don't think your first impression of me reflects who I am.
Fuck with me and I will fuck you right back. If you say something negative about me to someone else I will learn about it. I don't like people who bullshit with me so if you do you can expect me to confront you about it. I've said many times that I'm a big believer of telling people what I think of them when I first meet them. This doesn't change. I will call you out on your BS and I will be a bitch to you when I do.
Now, don't get me wrong. My real friends know that I'm pretty cool person when you get to know me. I like to tell my friends that I appreciate them often, I genuinely care about other people and will only get nasty if I need to. Basically, after you get to know me you come to realize that I make a pretty badass friend, but that also means I can be a very fierce enemy.
SEXDUCTXY!
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