Go ahead, hate on me...

I tend to be a pretty nervous person. Because I have self paranoia and probably care what people think about me a little more than I should I get really nervous when things aren't going the way I hoped they would. Last night I almost had a nervous breakdown because things weren't panning out they way the were. I'm OK, but I felt horrible for most of the day and I couldn't get myself to sleep.

Why do I care so much? Everyone cares what others think of them but I believe that sometimes I care way too much about what others think about me. I know I can't be the only one that feels this way because all humans have that innate desire to be liked, to be extraordinary, to be popular. It might sound completely cruel, but I've found the more popular you are the easier it is to have things go your way. It's like popularity is currency and we're always looking to have more.

In high school I was one the popular kids. In middle school I wasn't popular at all and the summer before high school I basically stopped caring. I decided that it was a waste of time to care so much what people thought of me. If I wanted to dance and sing I would do so. If I wanted to be inappropriate I would do so. Basically, I decided I would do whatever the fuck I wanted, and if someone had a problem with them they could fuck off. Strangely enough, this lack of caring and confidence of doing whatever I wanted made me popular.

My popularity was sort of an unexpected occurrence. I started noticing that people would say "Hello" to me in the halls when I didn't know who that person was. People started to pay attention to what I would do and when people mentioned DC everyone knew it was me that they were talking about. Basically I became a "trend" and began to get "followed" without really meaning to. Like the paparazzi studies celebrities I was studied by my fellow peers and I have to admit, it felt good.

However, becoming popular doesn't comes with it repercussions because I started caring again. If someone said anything negative about me I wanted to know what they said, why the said it, who had they told and what I could do to change their minds. However, as I realize what I've just said, I have to admit that it sounds very pathetic. One shouldn't have to care so much. One shouldn't have to live by what other say about them because at the end of the day the opinions that matter the most are the opinions that person makes about themselves.

And so in the spirit of this new found realization I make these declarations onto you now.

If you have a problem with me have the cahones to tell it to my face. Basically, if you have a problem with me don't be a little bitch about it and whine about it to other people. How does that change things? How does that fix the issue you have with me? It doesn't and really all you're doing is being petty. Also, in most circumstances the people who say these things haven't sat down and gotten to really know me which brings me to declaration #2.

First impressions are bullshit. First impressions are important but often times first impressions offer little truths. If you meet me and I say something that makes you uncomfortable don't think for a second that you know me because you really don't. Saying you know someone after meeting them once is like saying you don't lie on job applications: not true. If I've made a negative first impression on you think of all the people you've made negative first impressions on. Chances are these first impressions don't reflect the person you are at all so don't think your first impression of me reflects who I am.

Fuck with me and I will fuck you right back. If you say something negative about me to someone else I will learn about it. I don't like people who bullshit with me so if you do you can expect me to confront you about it. I've said many times that I'm a big believer of telling people what I think of them when I first meet them. This doesn't change. I will call you out on your BS and I will be a bitch to you when I do.

Now, don't get me wrong. My real friends know that I'm pretty cool person when you get to know me. I like to tell my friends that I appreciate them often, I genuinely care about other people and will only get nasty if I need to. Basically, after you get to know me you come to realize that I make a pretty badass friend, but that also means I can be a very fierce enemy.

SEXDUCTXY!

Being Extraordinary and Florida

It’s 4 AM and after a night out at the clubs I really don’t understand why I decided to stay up to post a blog or two. The whole truth of the matter is that I don’t really post much on this blog as it evident to whoever has read this. It’s already June 9, 2008 and my last blog post was May 19, 2008. I probably won’t post again until I come back from Florida and even then I’ll probably be pulling shit out of thin air.

It’s not that I have a terribly unremarkable life; it’s just that it’s just not that remarkable. It’s not extraordinary in the least and an ordinary life will yield an ordinary individual and more than anything, I want to be extraordinary. I think that’s what most people want: They want to be extraordinary.

Think about it? Why are we so obsessed with the stars of today? We may say we hate them, but why do we hate them? Do we hate them because they’re stupid or do we hate them because we’re jealous of them that for some reason they get the attention we want? I mean, I say I don’t care what people say about me, but I actually do. I want people to like me, I want people to say: “Wow, DC is a great guy.” However, if I got the attention that someone like Paris Hilton got, I wouldn’t give a fuck what people thought about me.

We hate stars like Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, and Lindsay Lohan because for someone reason they became extraordinary and we didn’t. We think: “We can do what they do everyday so why am I still ordinary? Why am I not extraordinary?” It’s a stupid thought really for I’ve learned from Davey Wavey’s blog Break the Illusion (Look for a link in the bottom of this post) that we shape our lives how we want them to be. If we say, “I am extraordinary” the universe will listen and we will become extraordinary no matter how ordinary we may seem. Our lives will resonate as being extraordinary as we are and we will yield its extraordinary benefits.

Now, as for some DC’s life news, a while ago I got accepted to a great opportunity. I got accepted to the Obama Organizing Fellows Program and I will be helping Barack Obama win the presidential election by spreading him message of change and volunteering for him at a state that at the moment seems to be Florida. I will, for sure, be doing my training at Fort Lauderdale and hopefully I’ll be staying there as well though I foolishly told them that I would relocate to another state if they needed me to.

I leave on Friday, June 13 and I will come back sometime in late July. I will be leaving in such an importune time. I leave the day before Pride Fest and my niece’s third birthday and I don’t even know when I’m actually supposed to be at the airport. I’ll be at Fort Lauderdale at June 13 at 1:15 PM but who will be there to wait for me? Will there be anybody there? When will the call me? Where is the county where I’m supposed to stay and do my training at? Will I get to stay in Fort Lauderdale? Millions of questions are resonating in my mind.

Well, I that WIT (What I’m Thinking) at 4 AM this day on June but I think I’ll be OK. I’ll post another blog right after this one! Have a good day everyone!

SEXDUCTXY!

Click here to visit Break the Illusion, my favorite blogger's blog!