I want a boyfriend...

Even though I didn't get a lot of comments in the blog I did get a lot of responses about my last post. One of my friends on Facebook suggested I write down a list of what I want in a boyfriend. I've been told to do it before and I decided I might as well. Many people believe that if you write down what you want, you'll send out a message to the universe and the universe will give you what you want. It's like having a vision board - another thing I need to do one of these days.

I decided to share the list with you, and give reasons to why I want this in a boyfriend.

1) I want a boyfriend who is attractive. It sounds shallow, I know, but attraction I feel is sometimes a tricky subject to judge. Even though it's incredibly cliche, the phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" holds a lot of truth when you talk about attraction. People who I've found physically unattractive have become completely desirable after I get to know them, and people who I've found physically attractive have become completely undesirable after I learn how much of a douche bag that they are. Also, attractive people themselves sometimes find themselves unattractive because we, as humans, have a tendency to amplify the most unattractive features about ourselves and in turn begin to judge how truly beautiful we are. I guess a better way to phrase #1 is I want a boyfriend who I find attractive - inside and out.

2) I want a boyfriend who finds boldness refreshing. My boldness is sometimes one of my most damaging qualities. I tend to talk about things that no one else would really talk about casually, mostly because I find the subject interesting and it will start a conversation. There are normal subjects like music, movies, and food, but I find these subjects won't start long conversations, unless you go really in depth. However, if you talk about something like someone's first time or their sexual fantasies, you don't only learn more about the person in general but also learn something more interesting than whether they enjoy crawfish or not.

3) I want a boyfriend who is affectionate. One of the first things people learn about me if that I'm very lovey-dovey and touchy feely. I enjoy giving out hugs for no real reason and I enjoy kissing very much. A lot of people get uncomfortable with giving and receiving affection, even if its in private. I want a boyfriend who wouldn't mind it.

4) I want a boyfriend who's not overly possessive. I might like being affectionate with my boyfriend but like I mentioned in my last post I need some time to myself. If my boyfriend is too possessive of me it opens a can of worms that just can't be solved, for there are certain things about me that a possessive boyfriend just can't accept. I'm way too boy-crazy for my own good, I hug EVERYONE, and I don't want to hang out everyday. Possessive boyfriends do care a lot (sometimes way too much) about these things because they are constantly questioning their boyfriend's faithfulness and that just won't fly with me.

5) I want a boyfriend who is happy. I want a boyfriend who is generally happy. It doesn't mean they can't have bad days or be in a foul mood once-in-a-while but I tend to be hopeful and look at the glass half full, even in points in my life when I had every right not to. I learned how to cheer myself up and I want someone who is independent enough to do that. If you look Emo that's fine as Emo boys are hot, but I'm not looking for someone who needs someone to constantly cheer them up. If you can cheer me up too than I'll return the favor, but if you can't pick yourself up every once-in-a-while then we just won't work.

6) I want a boyfriend who is empathic. Even though I'm not Emo I am generally someone who operates on his feelings. I tend to have very strong emotions and beliefs and I want someone who is sensitive to that. My boyfriend doesn't have to agree to them, but I do want him to understand where I'm coming from. It's never been bad (I've never been described as bipolar), but I do have a thought process that 0perates differently from others.

7) I want a boyfriend who is boy-crazy, yet monogamous. This one is mostly for similarity purposes. I tend to admire many men, be very boy-crazy, and be very flirtatious. For some reason I developed a very flirtatious nature (I flirt without even trying) and often times I will tell someone they're hot if I think they are. I'm not looking for anything in particular when I compliment someone - I just like to encourage people. As a Pisces though, I tend to be very monogamous despite my boy-crazy, flirtatious nature so I wouldn't cheat on someone. I want someone who does the same. We can even do it together and double-team the hot guys!

8) I want a boyfriend with a good sense of humor. My friends and I have a lot of inside jokes and stories about each other, and we have the tendency of telling them to other people all the time. If you can laugh along with us we'll love you even if we don't work out.

9) I want a boyfriend with a big cock. Now this one is shallow. I'm a bottom and sex is generally more pleasurable if you have a nice, big cock. You might be thinking, "But DC, it's the motion of the ocean that counts, not the size of the boat." That might be true, but I've found that the bigger the vessel, the better the ocean feels.

This list can grow and change overtime, but for now these are the things I want in a boyfriend. If there is anything you think I should add or reconsider leave me a comment!

SEXDUCTXY!

PS In the near future I'll most likely be making and posting videos of me up in the blog. If you would like to hear my opinion about something or hear me speak about a topic leave me a comment and I'll consider using your idea for one of my videos!

What I Think: Relationships and Singledom

For the past 6 years I've been single. Sure, I've gone on dates, I've had sex with people, but ever since my junior year in high school I haven't been in a relationship where I could refer to the other person as my boyfriend. There have been countless "the person I'm seeing", "the person I'm dating", and even "the person I'm fucking" but there has never been an actual boyfriend. While most people say that a person can only be single by choice, it unfortunately has never been a choice for me.

My friends tell me that I'm single because I'm picky, and perhaps I am, but there have been many people who I'm interested in but in no way shape or form are interested in me. The people in the previous posts usually weren't in the picture for long and most of them didn't involve that much physical contact, aside from the ones who I fucked. But even then, the ones who I slept with only slept with me for the sake of sleeping with someone, not because they actually felt any intimacy for me.

I've tried all the traditional methods. I've tried meeting people in parties, bars, and other social venues but there was never much success there. I've tried dating and hook up websites but I think I must be somewhat unattractive online because I hardly ever get messaged or even replied to. I gone speed dating, but even though I did get dates out of that, it never escalated to the point where I that person became a boyfriend.

I have to admit though, being single when so many of my friends aren't has taken a toll on me. In fact, for the last 9 months I haven't dated or had sex with anyone, which is actually really depressing. Also, it's gotten so bad that I crave even the bad things in relationships. Tonight, Hilton and his boyfriend had a very big dramatic blowout, and while we were consoling Hilton's boyfriend I actually became jealous. You know it's bad when you begin to desire the rough patches of a relationship.

I do think that I am probably a very hard person to date, because there are several factors when I date that I'd like my boyfriend to follow which probably aren't very common.

1) I don't want to see you everyday. While most people would love to see their significant other daily I prefer to see mine only three or four days out of the week. It's not that I don't enjoy their company. If I didn't I would be dating them, but if I see my boyfriend daily I soon get bored of them and every little thing they do irritates me. Actually, for all of my high school career my boyfriend ALWAYS attended another school. My boyfriend can contact me everyday, but as far as seeing me "not that often" works best at first.

2) I need "me" time. This one couple a lot with the first reason but I've never been a fan of how when people date they turn from a me to a we. "Sure, I'll go" turns into "Sure, we'll go" and things that your friend would have jumped to do suddenly has to be checked with the other person. I feel that when someone turns from an I to an Us, it's a sign of losing of one's self and independence. Even though I do think that similar interests make an relationship amazing my boyfriend and I don't have to have all the same interests. We don't have to have the same network of friends, and since I wouldn't be an asset of every part of my boyfriend's life I don't expect him to be an asset of mine. Basically, what I'm saying is that I want to do something by myself or with some of my friends not involving my boyfriend, I don't want him to be offended.

3) Finally, if it ever escalates into the process of us living together I insist on having my own room. This is one many people have a trouble understanding. If you live together it's so people can sleep in the same room, can share the same living space and just be together. If I live with someone I probably would share a room with them, sleep in the same bed with them, and have an equal share of many of our possessions but I still need a place in my apartment that is just me. I need a place where I can just be by myself and unwind. It doesn't really have to be a room, but I need a place where I can keep my own stuff and a place where everything is not equal share.

All these factors make me a very hard person to be with, I understand, but the sad thing is that for the last 6 years I've never really been able to explain these things to someone I care to be intimate with. I mean, who knows, maybe if I do get that now "rare-as-a-unicorn" boyfriend I would prefer to see him daily, do everything with him, and if we do someday live together not invest in a space for myself, but so far we haven't found each other... Though I desperately want to.

The point I'm trying to make is that I'm tired of being alone. I don't want to spend a 7th Valentine's Day without someone to share it with. I don't want to turn 25 without a guy who isn't a family member or a friend calling to say, "Happy Birthday and I love you." I want the romance, I want the intimacy, and I want to be with someone. It might be pathetic or completely normal, but it hard to think something is normal when I start to recognize that this post sounds like a pity post and not a WIT post.

So, for now, I will take solace and hope in the fact that this point of unwanted celibacy won't last forever. One day I will find someone who doesn't mind my quirks, doesn't mind the twisted way I think, and will love kissing as much as I do. Until then, I will try to make the most of being single and free and take time to just breathe...

SEXDUCTXY!

What I Think: Kissing

Image by Getty Images via DaylifeI've never considered kissing that big of a deal. Everyone tells me it is a big deal because kissing is a sign of affection, and I entirely agree when people say that kissing is a major form of foreplay, but I still think it's not as big as deal as people make it out to be. Take last month for example: At OCH (Oilcan Harry's) they had this really worthy event called Harry's County Fair. Basically different organizations around the city would set up some sort of booth in the nightclub and based on the number of tickets the booth got, the organization would make a certain amount of money.

The Q participated in this event and Lex asked me to find people willing to be part of the booth they had assigned to us, which turned out to be a kissing booth. The rules were very simple: Every time a person made an appropriate donation we would kiss them on the cheek – because even though I wasn't concerned – a lot of people were scared of the prospect of contracting herpes. I looked and found some great people to participate and one of the people I asked was Sony. Sony is 18 now and even though he isn't the regulation hottie that most gay men end up being attracted to, he's a total twink and every once in a while people feel like flipping through the pages of Freshman magazine rather then Men (though if you're like me you have a subscription to both and enjoy them each from cover to cover).

Sony agreed to be part of the booth but in the day of the event, at the last minute, he backed out because he had just gotten a new boyfriend. I couldn't force Sony to do it so I let him back out (which actually worked out for the best because I didn't know it then, but it was supposed to be an event for people 21 and up ONLY so Sony would have been kicked out anyway) but in my mind I couldn't stop thinking: "It's not that big of a deal, its just a kiss on the cheek. If your boyfriend can't handle you kissing people on the cheek for a worthy organization then he's a total snob like most of the men you fall for Sony." It might be wrong to think such a thing, but is a kiss on the cheek such a big thing?

I don't know about you but a kiss on the cheek is a very friendly gesture. I kiss my friends on the cheek all the time and I never think that is will result into my kissing partner and me taking a leisurely stroll down the "Friends with Benefits" road. When I go downtown I kiss quite a few people on the cheek several times because being the person who I am – lovey-dovey and touchy feely to the point of me being flirtatious 24/7 – it's just something that I enjoy to do and several other people just seem to enjoy receiving (though people could argue that the fact they start smiling is because they don't know how to react). And even then it usually doesn't go farther then that.

There have been some guys whose automatic response is, "I have a boyfriend" and my initial response to that is, "We're doing something completely innocent". If a person really does become uncomfortable by my level of flirtatiousness I stop, but more times than not people seem to agree and begin to return this harmless gesture of affection. However, it's hardly ever resulted into me and the other person romping under the sheets. Even the day before yesterday, when I was downtown, when the kissing went beyond the simple peek on the cheek and into a full blown make out session, I did not find myself exchanging numbers with the other guy at the end of the night.

Kissing is just not that big of a deal. A peek on the cheek or the lips won't result into you getting naked with the other person at the end of the night. Making out with someone doesn't mean that by the end of the night your future child will have that moment to thank for his or her conception (for everyone knows that alcohol is usually a very large factor in getting a woman impregnated). I don't care if the movies say it is because every person who's lost their virginity knows that it usually doesn't happen the way it does in the movies. The only time that happens is if you wait until marriage to have sex and that part of our cultural society is quite slim.

There are several reasons, personal and socially, that it shouldn't be a big deal and well, I'll offer one of each. Let's start with the social aspect of why kissing shouldn't be a big deal:

KISSING IS FUN. Everyone who has ever kissed someone else knows that kissing is very fun. It’s enjoyable, it turns you on, and more times than not, your kissing partner knows what they’re doing, and if they don’t you can always turn the tables by instead of kissing them on the month, you can always move down and kiss them on the neck and so forth.

Now for the personal aspect:

YOU CAN BECOME A KISSING EXPERT. I know that I don’t look like what most guys are looking for. I’m not the most attractive of men, I’m way too boy crazy, and everyone who’s ever met me agrees that I’m quite a character. However, if there’s one thing that every guy I’ve managed to ever kiss agrees on: I’m damn good at it. I’m describes to have peppermint lips and my kissing prowess has been good enough to turn on just about any guy. I’ve had people seek me out just to find out how good I am, and everyone who has, has been pleasantly surprised.

That’s what I think about kissing and for those who want tips – believe me, a lot of people have asked me before – here are 4 simple steps:

Before the big night, use a tongue scrapper. A lot of people don’t know why I suggest they use a tongue scrapped but I dated a dentist once and let me tell you, had the freshest kisses ever. I thought he just took really good care of his teeth because well, he was a dentist but one day he revealed his secret. Every time before our dates, he would scrap his tongue. This made his kisses as fresh as possible and ever since I’ve dated him, I’ve scrapped my tongue too. Doesn’t hurt, I promise.

At the restaurant, don’t eat anything smelly. This is a given to a lot of people, but if you’re going to kiss someone you want to avoid foods like garlic, onion, and cheese because they’ll stink up your breathe. The safest food to eat is salad, but even then it’s hard to avoid certain types of food. If you can’t avoid it because you’re going to go to an Italian restaurant for dinner (where garlic and cheese is served with everything) then ask the waiter if you can have some parsley or mint from the kitchen, which every restaurant has. Go into the bathroom, put it in your mouth, chew it up a bit and your breathe will be kissing ready. All you have to worry about is parsley or mint getting stuck in between your teeth, so take toothpicks too.

Start slowly, and then go in for the kill. I know it sounds kind of weird, but you don’t want to make out with your date right away. Sometimes, it good, for something like the first kiss but a perfect kiss takes some planning. Kissing is the ultimate form of foreplay and the perfect kiss has some of it’s own. If you’re unsure what I mean do what I like to do: Before making out I like to start with those little baby kisses… You know the pecks on the lips, cheeks, and other parts of the body.

Practice makes perfect. Obvious. The more you practice, the better you’ll get. Finding a kissing partner is easy. You just have to look in the right place.

And that's basically what I think about kissing. It's not that big of a deal but it should still be done with the best of someone's ability. Because even though it happens to everyone at least once and it does happen everyday, everyone still wants to be the best kisser they can be.

Sexductxy!