I haven't posted since Sunday night and I don't know why... I've been thinking of posting, really, I have, but I didn't want to present anyone with a post of another hot guy. There are plenty of other blogs that do that and I wanted my blog to kind of be like R*yan's blog. And what I just typed jogged an idea out of my mind. I'll tell you of other note-worthy blogs and sites that are worth mentioning.
When I log on the computer I always have the same routine. After I check my e-mail, I go to 4 sites which bring to attention a problem I have. Like I've said before, I'm completely boy crazy but since I don't see it as such a big deal I pride myself in feeding my addiction in the futile hope that I'll someday find somebody like the men that I look at with envy, simply because they are so hot that they could have whoever they want, but ended up being straight rather than gay.
The order of my sites is this (And the links are):
Most Beautiful Man.com: The world #1 Male Celebrity site
Tottyland: A detailed investigation into the cute, shirtless, and even naked celebrity
R*YAN: Blogging with a queer bent
and Cisoto Fotos: Shirtless male celebrities from all over the world
I love the sites, even though most seem to feed my addiction to the viewing of men that I may never end up meeting and even if I did never have a chance to gaining for myself. I don't know why I insist on looking at these men and then saving thier pictures if I like the way they look. I mean, if I ever did gain a boyfriend would he be bothered by this? Would he break up with me because I was attracted to men that have some sort of fame either in TV, movies, modeling, and/or music and pathetically, I save their pictures? I don't know...
Anyways, I want more topics to discuss because I said I would tell you more about myself. I'll tell you all about FUEL. I'm gay and I'm a Christian. I've established this fact wholeheartedly, but well, I never did go much to church because the bible kept saying that homosexuality was wrong. It was terrible and even though I loved most of the people in my home church, I still didn't really feel welcome there.
You can't really blame me for not being welcome at my church. After my brother lanced me (and again, it was with my permission) members of my home church gave my dad a book about people who were once gay and then became straight through the power of prayer. When I saw the book I was like: "What kind of bullshit is this?" These people who claim to be straight but were once gay probably were never gay to begin with. You don't have a choice to who you're attracted to, but I think if you actually prayed to God to change you, well, then you don't really have high self-esteem.
Anyways, I was more hurt by the fact that someone in my church was trying to make my father feel better by giving him that book. To me it was like saying, "he still has time to change back" and it was like saying, "I'll pray that God shows him the way". I'm a Christian for God's sake! Just because I like the way a man looks and I happen to pick dick even though I've never tricked with a chick shouldn't make a difference if I'm going to heaven or not. I've been saved and I'm perfectly happy being the fabulous, gay man that I am.
I got tired of the treatment so I basically stopped going to church. I couldn't find solace in religion anymore and my faith was seriously faltering. Then one day I came across MySpace event invite. I had added a man whole shall be called the Progressive, Gay, Christian Man (PGCM) to my MySpace page. I didn't really know anything about him except that he was gay and he was a Christian like me. I don't know why I didn't look at his page for a solution to my dilemma at the time... I guess I just didn't think I would find it on MySpace.
Anyways, PGCM had sent me an invite to go to a Dinner in Drag. It was Halloween and his birthday and he wanted to make Halloween fun so he sent out a massive invite. I really had never been out in drag before but decided to go. I called along some friends and after telling me they wanted to go as well, I sent an RSVP and said I was taking 5 guests. First, I invited Pisha (who shall be mentioned a lot in this blog), my best friend. Pisha has been with me through a lot and even though it would later freak her out, she agreed to go.
I also invited Kinky (who shall also be named in this blog quite a bit), because she was cool and sort of my ride. I wanted to invite her because ever since I first met her I have loved her. She just holds an aura that attracts me and she's so fun to hang around with that I know I'll have a good time if I hang out with her.
I invited also Scant Queen (who shall be mentioned a lot in this blog). At the time, Scant Queen was a good friend and I knew she would go all out for it. She was fun at the time, but soon after, she would do something that would permanently put an end to our friendship.
Finally, I also invited Dumb dumb (who, yes, will be mentioned in this blog alot) because Dumb dumb is just fun to hang around with. It sounds horrible, but usually my friends and I use each other for things. We all know we do it but even though we are using each other we still remain good friends because when we use each other, it benefits the user and the one who's being used. Dumb dumb is used for entertainment so it's always a good time with her around.
Pisha and Dumb dumb decided to go as guys, so taking some of Dumb dumb's boyfriend's clothes, they dressed like guys. They also looked a little bit lesbian, but I didn't bother to tell them that fact. Kinky decided to dress like a guy too but she did it with fabulous flair. She looked a little bit like Ashton Kutcher when she was done and Kinky went as my date while Pisha and Dumb dumb went as each other's dates as well.
I went, in publicm dressed in drag. My hair was dyed and I had flower hair clips on and I had put on make up and I had a really cute pink top on with a frilly, white skirt. I put on shoes because I couldn't walk in high heels and they gave me fake boobs, but all in all, I didn't make a very attractive drag queen. I am quite hairy for a man of my age and I don't bother to shave my chest hair because I don't live near a beach, so I don't see the point of walking around topless.
We went over to Trudy's North Star and I was of course, gawked at, laughed at, and feared. My friends didn't seem to have the same problem, but I don't know, walking around in drag proved to be quite empowering for me. The hostess at Trudy's told us that the party turned out bigger than expected and they had sent the large party away. I called PGCM, who had given me his number and he told me they were at Chili's.
Since Chili's wasn't too far away we all walked there, most of the stares directed at me, but I didn't seem to care that much. When we finally got to Chili's and entered I knew I was going to have fun. The party was massive and consisted of easily 30 people. All of the people were gay and I felt right at home though Pisha and Dumb dumb didn't. Kinky had a blast as I did, which was awesome because like Pisha and Dumb dumb, Kinky was straight and had a boyfriend. It just showed me how cool Kinky was.
While at Chili's I also made friends with a bunch of other people. PGCM was the leader of a group called FUEL and most of the people there were from that group. I didn't know it then, but soon FUEL would become a large part of my life. After meeting everybody from FUEL I promised to go to a meeting and then I departed because since my friends didn't have any money (Pisha, Kinky, and I shared an appetizer) we decided to just call it a night.
That Sunday, I went to FUEL and the whole time there we spent it talking about God and about being gay people in a Christian society. It was exactly what I was looking for and I've been a loyal member to FUEL ever since then. Through FUEL, I also become part of another church which I can truly describe as my home church. The Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) was a church that had mainly gay members but was nonjudgmental to all that entered it's doors. To me, that's part of what being a Christian is all about and I've truly been happy ever since I found that church and the fabulous group of people that is FUEL.
Well, now, I must leave, but please to do visit my blog again. I promise that I'll try to post a lot more in the future! Sexductxy!
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